Submitted by Terri Rivera, Guest Columnist
It’s sad to know that you love someone so much you have to eventually let go! Let go of enabling, let go of trying to fix your loved one suffering from addiction. Let go of your suffering from your loved ones addiction.
I can remember when my mom was still with us. I would walk into her house, and she would be sitting quietly in her chair. I could tell she had tears in her eyes, that she had just wiped away. I would ask “Are you OK mom?” At 91, we always worried about her pain. She would say “Yes, I’m OK, I’m just thinking.” It was usually more like praying; she had 17 children and twice the grandchildren. She always had them on her mind. She had buried six children, and alcohol and drugs contributed to most of their deaths, including my father’s. She lost a grandson and granddaughter to drug overdoses. So, the pain I worried about for her was the emotional as well as the physical.
An addict doesn’t see this pain. They don’t hear the thousands of pleas and prayers floating all over the universe, asking for help. Prayers and pleas from grandparents, parents, siblings, and all those who love them. And those who suffer the loss of someone who is still living. I was able to give my mom 15 years of sobriety before she passed. When she died, she had God closer, to help her send the prayers of hope.
Somethings changed; somethings remain the same. As a mother and grandmother now, I say many of the same prayers. I have had some answered, some not yet. Through it all, because of my mother’s strength, I still have the faith that my pleas and prayers will be heard.
An addict will accuse you of not caring, not loving, because you won’t help them. They think that helping with bills, food, or giving them money is an entitlement, because you should do this out of love. Their minds are functioning on a belief that everyone else has abandoned them, and they only have their user friends to support them.
Truth is, the ones not helping you in your addictions are the only ones that would die for you, and that’s what they are doing, dying emotionally for you, because they will no longer sit by and watch you or help you destroy your life. They just quietly pray!
If you need resources, you can get some from Colusa County Behavioral Health Substance Abuse Department. (530) 458-0520. ■
