Terri Rivera – Certified Addiction Treatment Specialist
God has blessed me with many gifts, talents, and abilities, many of which I kept suppressed and buried. I allowed my environment, society, and the other people’s beliefs to keep mine buried, and if by chance I were brave enough to show any part of it, it was followed by minimization!
I had learned to determine my worth, by others’ impressions of who I was. Using my social status, wealth (or in my case poverty), and looks, but never my worth.
When you allow others to determine who you are, who you should be, or what you should believe, it creates a barrier within you. This is where you start to lose pieces of your true self.
Unfortunately, you stand in front of a brick wall barrier, which was built from past mistakes or bad situations. Things you had no control over. You try and climb to the top, only to get pulled back down by those heavy weights you still carry.
You know how to get across, but that would mean you have to believe you can. But that belief is buried under the, I can’t, self-doubts, memories of the past, and your interpretation of your self-worth.
So you build a staircase of illusion, by using substances that make you feel strong, worthy, but just for a little while. You start to climb up, but as soon as you get to the top, it turns to sand, and you lose the structure, so you fall back down to where you were before, but now with a bigger mess to clean up.
You give up on hopes, dreams, and goals. That wall seems miles high now. You suddenly realize the only way to break down this barrier is to make a change. Change how you approach it; find a solution to the problems you face. Let go of toxic relationships, stop trying to please others, recover your self worth.
You can start by removing bricks from that wall. Yes, it’s hard work, and you will need to find some tools. But you have skills, you have supports that are working on the other side to help you. Change is hard, especially when it’s for your benefit. You spent so much of your life trying to please others, you lost yourself. So knock out one brick at a time, and soon you will have a big enough hole to walk through. You might even hit all the right bricks to make that wall tumble to the ground.
Remember, you have more talent and skills then you give yourself credit for. Get to the other side and start finding them again. Build a new structure, name it “My true self-worth.”
If you need help, there are many resources available to help you build. Colusa County BHS substance abuse services can help: 530-458-0520. ■