We need more than just food, water and air to survive in this world. We need meaningful connection with others.
That need for meaningful connection begins at birth. Researchers have found that babies in orphanages who received sufficient milk but were not held grew weak and sometimes died. Their condition became known as Failure to Thrive. Bridget Coila points out, “Touch is essential for human survival; babies who are deprived of touch can fail to thrive, lose weight and even die. Babies and young children who do not get touched also have lower levels of growth hormone, so a lack of touch can actually stunt a child’s growth. The immune systems of children who are deprived of touch may also be weaker than those who receive plenty of physical affection; plenty of touch earlier in life can lead to physiological changes that might protect against later disease, including cardiovascular disease.”
In the prologue to his book Leadership Jazz, Max DePree shares his own experience in discovering the power of meaningful connection: “Esther, my wife, and I have a granddaughter named Zoe, the Greek word for life. She was born prematurely and weighed one pound, seven ounces, so small that my wedding ring could slide up her arm to her shoulder. The neonatologist who first examined her told us that she had a 5 to 10 percent chance of living three days. When Esther and I scrubbed up for our first visit and saw Zoe in her isolette in the neonatal intensive care unit, she had two IVs in her navel, one in her foot, a monitor on each side of her chest, and a respirator tube and a feeding tube in her mouth.
“To complicate matters, Zoe’s biological father had jumped ship the month before Zoe was born. Realizing this, a wise and caring nurse named Ruth gave me my instructions. ‘For the next several months, at least, you’re the surrogate father. I want you to come to the hospital every day to visit Zoe, and when you come, I want you to rub her body and her legs and arms with the tip of your finger. While you’re caressing her, you should tell her over and over how much you love her, because she has to be able to connect your voice to your touch.’”
Max’s daily touch and caring words—his meaningful connection with Zoe—are a part of what helped save the life of that premature little girl
And this need for meaningful connection with others lasts throughout the span of our lives. In her research on aging, Mary Pipher concluded that two habits help to keep people young into their old age: having relationships and being useful. “It helps to be connected to a lot of people of all ages, including children,” she says. “And I think the need to be useful stops being important about when the need to breathe stops. It’s there to the very end.”
Throughout our lives, we need meaningful connection with others. We need to receive care from others, and we need to contribute care to others.
Novelist Pearl Buck observed, “The person who tries to live alone will not succeed as a human being. His heart withers if it does not answer another heart. His mind shrinks away if he hears only the echoes of his own thoughts and finds no other inspiration.”
God designed us not to be solitary creatures but to need one another. We do well in life when we look for ways to be connected to others, and when we invest time and energy into building and maintaining friendships.